Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] All right, man, I want to get us going here, make the most of our hour. I'm so glad to be with you all. You are. Just so you know, you're sitting in the session on self control.
[00:00:10] I know you're probably here taking notes for another. Right. Because you have self control down or you're taking notes to bring back to your wife. Right. But we want to get after what does the Lord have to say about self control and why is this crucial as we think about what true manhood as actually looks like Real quick. My name's Brock Graham. I'm the lead pastor at Redeemer Bible Church on the south side of Indianapolis, Indiana. And so it's a joy to be up here with you all.
[00:00:38] So many of many of your pastors are great friends of mine and just so much respect for what the Lord is doing. And I love coming back to Canada because I would spend in the summer in high school, college, I spent a lot of time north of here at a place called Muskoka Bible conference. Any NBC'ers out here? Yeah, so like huge, huge, awesome memories of Mary Lake and jumping off the cliff and going down the rapids there. So anytime like we cross the border back up here, just such fond memories and it's so good to be here. But as we think about the theme of these two days, true manhood. And when Robby asked if I'd come up and teach a workshop here, the Lord very quickly led me. And I say that with all sincerity. I believe the Lord led me to this place of we need to take an hour here and look at self control.
[00:01:29] And as I was just doing my own personal study in the Word of God last year, I try to spend a lot of time each year in the book of Proverbs because of what the blessings that the book of Proverbs begins with, that is ours as we read it. But I came across this Proverb in Proverbs 25:28 and it says this. A man without self control is like a city broken into and left without walls.
[00:02:01] A man without self control is like a city broken into and left without walls. Now I think here we are, many of us in the room, modern day kind of grow up in a Western culture. And we look at that problem, we go, yeah, it seemed we feel the gravity of that warning there. But we probably can't even appreciate the way an ancient Hebrew would have read this proverb because we didn't come into town and needing to go through a gate because we no longer protect the cities we live in with walls, but the walls equaled protection. And so when an ancient Hebrew read this, a man without self control is like a city broken into and left without walls, they understood how crucial a solid wall around the city was. Walls equaled protection. Breach in the wall equaled, oh, we are, we are exposed to the enemy's, the enemy's attacks. And so I want this picture just kind of set in our minds as we begin today, because we're after a life lived without breaches in the wall, so to speak.
[00:03:17] Or today by God's grace, we are after getting after it as men to seek to repair the breaches in the walls that are there. And all of us as men in the room, we know how susceptible we are to the breaches in the walls of self control and why it's so crucial that we give ourselves to this. And so I want to set that picture before us, but I want you to turn in your Bible to 1 Corinthians 9. 1st Corinthians 9 is where we're going to take the substance of what we're talking about today. And it's something that the Apostle Paul says at the end of First Corinthians 9 that we want to walk through here today. And as, as you settle in your Bibles there, I just want to lay this before you as our prayer for this hour. Right here is our prayer for this hour. God give me spirit empowered. And I want to emphasize that. Okay, I'm going to say this a couple times throughout this. This is not a session on willpower.
[00:04:20] This is not a session on willpower.
[00:04:22] Like no matter how great of a conference this is, willpower will only last us till about Tuesday. You with me on that? So we're after as men of God, God give me spirit empowered self control.
[00:04:36] For the sake of your glory and for the sake of the gospel, God help us right now. Give us spirit empowered self control for the sake of us living lives as men that would bring God glory and living lives as men that would propel the good news message of Jesus Christ forward so that his kingdom is built. That's what we're going after here today. And now as we walk through 1 Corinthians 9, let me give you a bit of the structure. We'll look at what I'm calling these six P's and I'm not going to read them. You can read them. And, and if you don't get them all down right now, don't worry, we're going to walk through each of these one at A time. But we want to look at these six P's as we make our way through these couple verses here. And so if I can, I want to read all the verses together, starting in first Corinthians 9, verse 24. And then I want to pray and ask for God's help. And we'll get after it.
[00:05:29] First Corinthians 9, verse 24. This is the word of God, and it says, do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize, so run that you may obtain it.
[00:05:46] Every athlete exercises self control in all things.
[00:05:51] They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable.
[00:05:58] So I do not run aimlessly, I do not box as one beating the air, but I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others, I myself should be disqualified. Father God, right now, in this place, for these minutes, how desperate we are in need of your spirit to come do a work in our hearts.
[00:06:28] Lord, I pray right now, even just very practically on the other side of lunch, with full stomachs and potentially sleepiness setting in of the afternoon. Oh God, would you meet us here in such a way that you shake us awake at the core of our being. And Lord, you speak a word into our heart through your word. You do a work in our lives by the power of your spirit that leaves us walking out of here greater equipped, greater encouraged, greater inspired to live a life for your glory. We ask that, and we pray it in the power of the name of your son, Jesus. And all God's people said Amen. Amen. Let's start here with this first P. The picture. We want to look at the picture. What's the picture that Paul is giving here? He's using an illustration of athletics. And now I love when the Bible gives us the illustration.
[00:07:22] And Paul was beautiful at using these very practical images that the people that he's writing to would have been familiar with. And so he says here in verse 24, do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize, so run that you may obtain it. And then he expands the illustration, or he expands the picture beyond the just an athlete who's a runner. But he says in verse 25, every athlete exercises. And what's it say? Every athlete exercises what? Self control in all things.
[00:07:59] And so Paul, obviously he's writing to these believers in the city of Corinth. And these are people who were familiar with athletics. They're familiar with athletic competitions. They were familiar with Some games that we're still familiar with today, the Olympic Games. And they were also familiar with another set of games, what's called the Isthmian Games. And so, you know, when Paul writes using athletics as a picture to illustrate a point he's going to make about self control, even if they weren't athletes, they understood what athletes training for the Olympic or the Isthmian Games were willing to go through.
[00:08:39] And now there's a couple things why I think Paul uses athletics as the illustration or as the picture for self control. And even if you're in the room and you aren't an athlete or you were never an athlete, I think you'll be able to relate to why Paul uses athletics.
[00:09:00] The first is this reality that an athlete must play, must compete, abiding by the rules of the game.
[00:09:13] And in fact, this was referenced to us even this morning in Second Timothy Chapter one, or last night when Brian preached. But when Paul writes in Second Timothy one, he says an athlete is not crowned unless he competes according to the rules. And so there's discipline that an athlete exercises to compete according to the rules. And if you don't compete according to the rules, you. You get disqualified.
[00:09:42] You're not going to win the prize. Now, if we can, if you'll allow me, let's make fun of the United States track and field team for a little bit. You guys okay with that? Okay.
[00:09:55] We struggle to do a very simple thing in the history of the Olympics, and that is within our relays, to take the baton and to legally hand it to the next runner. We struggle with that. Okay, so lot of things we can do down in the States. Handing a baton is not one of them. In fact, let me read you this. A brief recounting of the American team's baton passing mishaps in recent years. At the 2008 Olympics in Beijing, a US runner dropped the baton during an exchange. In the 2009 World Championships, two runners exchanged the baton before the passing zone started and the team was disqualified. In 2011, an American runner collided with a British runner in another lane and fell. In 2015, the US team made the exchan exchange after the passing zone and again was disqualified. If there's a way to blow a baton exchange, the United States Men's 4x100 relay team has done it.
[00:10:51] Coming into Thursday morning, the team had messed up in exchange at seven of the past 11 Olympics and world Championship meets.
[00:10:59] Now there's a problem. Now I want you to imagine you're an athlete and you've trained for the last four years for the Olympic Games. And because you don't abide by the rule of handing that baton appropriately within the parameters of what the Games say, you're done. You're done.
[00:11:18] And so there's a reason, and Paul uses this illustration elsewhere. An athlete must be disciplined to compete according to the rules. But there's another reality of athletics, of why I think Paul's using this picture. An athlete must be disciplined to train. If you look back in The Bible, verse 25, he says, every athlete exercises self control. And what's it say? In what things?
[00:11:47] In what things? In all things.
[00:11:50] Paul understands and the people he's writing to understand that those people from their towns and their cities who are training for the Isthmian Games or the Olympic Games, they discipline themselves in all things.
[00:12:02] Now, let me put on the screen a young, talented Canadian son. You recognize that guy? Connor Bedard. Right. Listen, just so you know, Chicago's trying to claim him, okay? Okay. They're trying to claim him, but he's Canadian through and through, right?
[00:12:17] So, you know, generational talent, right? And people say just like, unbelievable skills. Those of you in the room who know hockey better than I do, you know how skilled he is. But I was, I was on YouTube a couple weeks back, and there's just. You can come across these videos of Bedard, like, training in this garage and just slap shot after slap shot after slap shot. Generational talent, but willing to train in all things. Or how about this guy? Is this guy as polarizing in Canada as he is in the States? Yeah. How many Tom Brady fans in the room? Tom Brady fans. Okay. How many? Not so much. Not so much. Okay.
[00:12:54] So regardless, right? One of the most accomplished quarterbacks in the history of the NFL, regardless of what you believe or feel about Tom Brady.
[00:13:02] We were staying at an Airbnb this last year, and they had, you know, in the house, they had his TB12 book. TB12. It's kind of the eating and the working out. And you start reading through this and you're like, oh, my goodness, this guy disciplines himself in all, all things. And so Paul's using this illustration of an athlete and he's saying, do you not know that in a race to all the runners run, but only one receives the prize run that you may obtain it run by the course of the rules that you may go after it. Every athlete exercises self control in all things. They discipline themselves and train. And so let this picture sink in before we get to the principles of self control for our own life. But it. But it leads to this next P and the next P. We'll call the prize. The prize. Why do athletes do this? They do it for a prize.
[00:13:57] Let's look at what Paul writes next. Middle of verse 25, they, an athlete, they do it to receive a perishable wreath.
[00:14:12] Okay, why is the athlete willing to train and discipline themselves in all things? They're doing it to receive a perishable wreath. Now, when Paul writes that, he literally means a perishable wreath to be crowned in the Olympic or the Isthmian Games, literally was a wild olive branch, you know, wrapped into a circle. And if, you know, if you won the competition, you are crowned with this crown that quite literally is going to wither and perish.
[00:14:41] And Paul wants us, in using this illustration to understand something about the self control and discipline for godliness that we apply to our lives. They do it to receive a perishable wreath. But we. What's your Bible say? But we what?
[00:14:59] But we what? An imperishable men be reminded of this reality.
[00:15:05] Like, we're not in this room right now trying to just become more disciplined men for discipline's sake.
[00:15:14] We're not in this room right now just trying to become men who, like, when someone stands at our funeral, goes like, man, that's the most disciplined guy I know.
[00:15:23] That's not the ultimate reason we are in here.
[00:15:28] We are in here because we want to be men of self control and discipline, because we want to live a life that goes after imperishable rewards, things that don't just expire the day we breathe our last breath on this earth.
[00:15:48] We want to be men of self control because self control propels us to run after the things that God says has eternal significance. And self control protects us from living a life that runs after things that God says doesn't have eternal value.
[00:16:08] And so Paul's like, listen, listen. We're talking about. We're talking about a life of discipline, a life of self control. We're looking at an athlete who models this so well. But remember what the athlete's playing for. The athlete's playing for the crowning of a wreath that's literally going to be withered by next Thursday.
[00:16:25] He said, we're talking about a life like this for such bigger kingdom, eternal purposes.
[00:16:32] And so we're going after a prize. There's this picture, there's this prize. Now, what's the point? What's the point Paul is making with this imagery?
[00:16:42] The point is he wants to press into us that a disciplined life of self control matters.
[00:16:52] A disciplined life under control.
[00:16:56] The spirit matters for us.
[00:17:01] He says here, if you will pick it up with me in verse 26.
[00:17:07] So I do not run aimlessly.
[00:17:12] I do not box as one beating the air, but I discipline my body and keep it under control.
[00:17:26] So I love the continued use of the picture here. He says, I do not run aimlessly.
[00:17:31] If you can imagine, you know, 2024 Olympic Games are coming up this summer. If you can imagine a sprinter or distance runner there at the starting line and the gun goes off and they just take off through the infield, right? You would watch that and you go, that's an idiot, right? That guy's dumb.
[00:17:49] We love him, but that's dumb.
[00:17:52] Or if you can imagine the other picture that Paul uses here, you can imagine the bell dings and the boxing match starts. And instead of a boxer coming to the middle to meet the, he just turns and starts shadow boxing the air.
[00:18:08] That doesn't make. Paul said, that doesn't make any sense.
[00:18:11] Or if you can imagine, if you can imagine the puck dropping in a hockey game and two guys, instead of playing hockey, just turning and dropping the gloves and fighting each other, which is what every American lives for in hockey, right? Like, I grew up in West Michigan, so I grew up with the Red Wings and around hockey. But then I moved to Indiana. Indiana's like, what's hockey? And so, like, you take a buddy to a hockey game, they're like, when are they gonna fight? That's all they want. That is the extent of our American appreciation for hockey, right? But Paul says, listen, a runner doesn't run aimlessly. They run the course that's set out. A boxer doesn't beat the air. They meet in the middle and they, they box their opponent. And he's continuing to press this illustration. And then he makes, he makes this point here at the beginning of 27. But I discipline my body and keep it under control.
[00:19:10] I want to come back to the prayer of our time right here. The prayer of our time right here. God, give me spirit empowered self control for the sake of your glory and for the sake of the gospel.
[00:19:22] Why is Paul so passionate, so compelled to live a life under control?
[00:19:33] Because he's so constrained by the gospel to spend his days for the glory of God.
[00:19:40] And he's so constrained by this call on his life to take the gospel wherever God calls him to take it. In fact, if you just look back up in the chapter, look for instance at first Corinthians 9, verse 12.
[00:20:01] He says, if others share this rightful claim on you do not we even more nevertheless we have not made use of this right? But look at what he says here. But we endure anything rather than put an obstacle in the way of the Gospel of Christ.
[00:20:16] Or if you look down in verse 23, he says, I do it all for the sake of the Gospel.
[00:20:23] Paul is so enamored in love, adoring Jesus Christ that he says whatever it takes to live a life for his glory and nothing that would constrain the ministry of the Gospel. That is why Paul would say, I'm so, so, so passionate for this life under control, this life of self control.
[00:20:51] Now we need to understand and I just want to, I want to at the kind of the midpoint right here, I want to remind us we've looked at this picture, you know, we've looked at this picture, we've looked at this prize, we've looked at the point we got to remind ourselves, where's the power come from to actually live this out?
[00:21:11] Because it's one. Listen, here's what we can't do. And I'll say it again, we can't turn to 1 Corinthians, chapter 9, the end. Be all inspired and pumped up, have the pep talk from Paul about let's go out living like athletes.
[00:21:26] Be disciplined, be men of willpower again, that won't last. We have to understand what Paul's writing here in light of the whole corpus of what he's written in all of his letters. And so keep your finger there in 1st Corinthians 9. But let's flip over to Galatians chapter 5, Galatians chapter 5. So finger in 1st Corinthians 9. And let's flip over to galatians chapter 5, because we need to be reminded of some things here. And let me remind you of the Gospel.
[00:21:58] All of us in this room, before we believed on the Lord Jesus Christ, we were dead in our sin. There was not a spiritual pulse beating inside of us.
[00:22:12] All of us were enemies of God.
[00:22:14] There was nothing in our lives that was like worthy of a life lived for the Lord. And Jesus Christ came and he laid a cross down that bridged the chasm between us and our sin and a holy God. And the moment we've believed on the Lord Jesus Christ, we are saved from our sin, rescued from our sin. We're now in right standing with a holy God. And the moment we believed on the Lord Jesus Christ, we are given the Holy Spirit.
[00:22:45] The Spirit is now dwelling inside of us.
[00:22:50] And I want to just remind us, I want to read from Galatians 5. But before I do, just hear what it says in Romans chapter 8. If the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you. And so, listen, some of us walked in the room, and you are here in this room for a message on self control because there's some very practical thing in your life you want to see crucified.
[00:23:19] Some of us have made a mess of things financially because we lack self control. Some of us have made a mess of things physically because we lack self control. Some of us have made a mess of things sexually because we lack self control. And even in this moment right now, the enemy whispers into our ears, you can't do it. You can't do it. You can't do it.
[00:23:39] You can't do it. Yeah, yeah, go listen all you want, but you can't do it. Can I remind us of something? If you are in Christ, the Spirit of the living God dwells inside of you.
[00:23:47] You're right, you can't do it. But by the power of the Spirit of God, we can say yes, in Christ.
[00:23:56] We can look at what Galatians 5 says about this reality. Galatians 5:16. But I say, walk by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.
[00:24:08] All of us are in this room. All of us are at this conference because that's what we desire. Amen. Amen. You with me.
[00:24:14] For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit. The desires of the Spirit are against the flesh. For these are opposed to each other to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led to by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
[00:24:29] Now the works of the flesh are evident. Sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. So just. Let's just look there at the list. Let's let God's word come to bear on our life. And we look at our life and we lay it next to the word of God. And we say, are these things true of our life?
[00:25:03] If so, we are men in the room, walking by the flesh.
[00:25:07] If so, we need to take inventory. Have I been born again?
[00:25:11] Has there been a time? I have called on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, and I've been saved from my sin. If so you're like, yes, no, I know I'm saved. I know I'm saved. I know I'm saved. Now we now need to let this reality come to bear that we are to be men who don't walk by the flesh, but now walk by the spirit.
[00:25:30] But the fruit, verse 22. But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control.
[00:25:42] Against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus Christ have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. We need the power of the spirit.
[00:25:58] We cannot live disciplined lives of self control in the power of the flesh. We can make it, as I've said before till Tuesday, or we need to recognize the reality we are capable in the power of the flesh. To come to a conference like this right now and be looking at porn by the end of tonight.
[00:26:20] We need the help of God.
[00:26:23] And if you're so discouraged, if you think you're so far gone in this, the bondage of something that has brought you in for this talk right here, I just want to remind you of something that the gospel declares over you. The God who was powerful enough to pull you out of your sin, bring you in right standing with himself through the shed blood of his Son.
[00:26:48] His Spirit dwells in you and gives you the power to walk in freedom of any bondage you've walked in here with today.
[00:26:58] We have to let the gospel come to bear on the conversation of self control.
[00:27:04] We have to remind ourselves, and there's some practical things I'm going to end with that I think will help us do this. But there's. We have to remind ourselves that what we're talking about in this hour right here isn't a pep talk from a pastor. It's not white knuckling it and going, okay, I'm gonna work harder to be better, to try harder. It's actually us getting on our face before the Lord every single day and saying, I need you. Oh, I need you. Every hour I need you.
[00:27:35] That's what we need.
[00:27:37] And so we remind ourselves From Galatians, Chapter 5, in light of this picture, Paul's writing at the end of First Corinthians 9, that our power to live this out comes from the Spirit. But now take your finger, go back to First Corinthians 9, and let's just, hey, let's love each other enough to look at the weight of what Paul says is at stake here, okay? And so We've looked at the picture, the prize, the point, the power, the penalty. Now let's under, let's understand the penalty here. There's a penalty of disqualification. Paul staying with this theme here of athletics. And look at what he says in verse 27. But I discipline my body and I keep it under control.
[00:28:20] Last, after preaching to others, I myself should be disqualified.
[00:28:29] I want to preach this point in the fullness of grace and truth that I believe Christ demands. This reality is preached in. And so in light of grace, we need to understand this about this. If you are in Christ, there is therefore now no condemnation for you because you are in Christ Jesus, that there's no sin that you can partake in if you are in Christ, that will separate you from the saving power of Jesus in your life.
[00:28:57] That once we are saved, we are sealed by the promised Holy Spirit, we will be with Christ. And yet there is a reality man we need to come to terms with. And there is a truth we need to let come bear on our lives. There is things we can do that lead to consequences, and some of them severe, some of them weighty. Paul says, I discipline my body. I make it, I make it my slave. Or another way you could translate this. I pummel my body and I make it a slave.
[00:29:28] So that after preaching to others, I myself will not be disqualified. I will not be living a life that is so disconnected from this good news gospel that I'm preaching.
[00:29:41] We understand, like, you know, I read this as a pastor and ministry leader and I know very specifically some of the ways this comes to bear. I can do things.
[00:29:51] I can become in bondage to sin. That very practically means I've disqualified myself from gospel ministry. It's a reality. If you're a ministry leader in the room, we got to hear this and let this come to bear. But we also men, all of us in this room, young men who might not even have a family yet there are ways we can live and give ourselves over to sin that disqualify us or bring consequences that we don't want to bear.
[00:30:19] There's ways for men in the room who do have a family. You have wives, you have children. There are ways we want to live full of discipline and self control. So this gospel that we're feeding our wives and our kids is not disconnected from some secret hidden life that we are living.
[00:30:38] And so we discipline our body and we keep it under control, lest after preaching or proclaiming or sharing the gospel, we ourselves would be living a life that's disqualifying. Of the very message that we're proclaiming. None of us in this room want that. And thus we're here. And thus we're seeking to grow in our walk with the Lord. Now let's get practical. Let's get practical with this, okay?
[00:31:14] Seven things I want to list here practically, as we think about repairing our walls. Let me bring us back to that picture we started with from the book of Proverbs.
[00:31:23] A man without self control is like a city broken into and left without walls.
[00:31:33] And so right now, empowered by the grace of God, we want to go to work on any breaches in the walls of our life, so to speak.
[00:31:43] And very practically, how do we do that? Let me list seven. Let me list seven things here.
[00:31:48] Seven wall restoring practices of self control.
[00:31:53] Everything I'm going to list right now practically comes in light of this understanding of what we've just looked at in 1st Corinthians 9 comes in light of the understanding of the gospel. That is the power for all of this. The first is this. We need to confront the lies.
[00:32:06] We need to confront the lies.
[00:32:09] Think about this now, very practically, bring some things up.
[00:32:15] Where in your life are you prone to struggle with self control financially? You overspent, you spend money that you don't have to buy things you don't need to impress people you really don't even like. Right?
[00:32:31] Why there's a lie we're believing behind that or for me, I stepped on the scale the night of American Thanksgiving. Okay, don't ever do that. Okay, don't ever step on the scale the night of American Thanksgiving.
[00:32:47] And I looked down at a number and that number read 25 pounds overweight for me.
[00:32:54] Now, I didn't gain all that on Thanksgiving.
[00:32:58] It was a slow fade to that.
[00:33:00] But God did something in that moment. Brock, you don't just have a weight problem, you have a self control problem.
[00:33:06] This isn't just a physical reality. There's a spiritual reality at play here.
[00:33:12] When you get stressed, you don't go to the liquor cabinet or you don't go do this. You go to the pantry and you pound hostess, you go to the freezer and you pound ice cream.
[00:33:22] And throughout for so long, I've been like, what's the big deal?
[00:33:27] I'm not doing all this stuff. I'm not looking at porn, I'm not drinking. I'm not like, you know, lord, can I just enjoy some, you know, double chocolate fudge moose track every once. Yeah, every once in a while. But Brock, when you're talking the carton let's talk about that.
[00:33:43] There's lies behind any practical area we bring up. Guys, if we're in the room, we're looking at porn. Think of all the lies of the enemy that are behind that.
[00:33:53] We gotta confront him.
[00:33:57] Our adversary has come to steal, kill and destroy. He hates you. He hates your marriage, he hates your family.
[00:34:04] And he will feed you. And he is so crafty in how he feeds us. If you need a reminder of that, go back and look at how he tempted our Savior, the promises that he made, the twisting of scripture that he utilized. He is so crafty. And how many of us, as men of God who have been after pursuing God have found ourselves, like, eye opening, going, whoa, why am I doing what I'm doing? Why am I about to make a decision I'm making? Because we gotta confront the lies. Once we confront the lies, then we're to this.
[00:34:34] We need to confess your sin, right? Like, I'm so thankful for how the spirit of God has already been at work this weekend and that for what we just experienced as men down in the main session this morning with what Pastor Robbie brought to us. But we gotta confess our sin. We gotta bring it out to the light, right? Like, as we're talking about catalysts for a life of self control, I'm telling you, just very practically, we leave sin in the dark, we won't have a lot of victory in this area of self control.
[00:35:05] And the reason why we won't confess our sin this weekend is because we're so afraid of the consequences of it.
[00:35:14] The enemy has done such a good job lying to us that he's saying, don't you dare confess that. Because if you do, then this, that or the other, and it's a lie.
[00:35:30] Very practically, and now I'm off the cuff. This isn't scripted. I usually get into trouble when I do things like this, but it'll be entertaining for you. Okay, Very practically. My wife and I were doing premarital counseling with a young couple a few months back.
[00:35:43] And I'm sharing the story in light of the blessing that comes from confession.
[00:35:49] We were talking to this couple about the blessing of just living in full transparency within your marriage. And we were just saying how the enemy goes to work on that. That night, we're sitting on the couch and my wife, who's amazing, like, just 10 times more godly than I, she said, hey, I want to press on that. Because she said, you actually never, like, come to me with overt sin of lust when you've experienced it. She's like, I know you're not looking at porn. I know. Like, but she's like, I also know you're a man.
[00:36:23] And, like, you probably haven't lived every day for the last 13 years of marriage, like, not having sinned against me in the area of lust. And she's like, can we talk about that? And I'm like, no, no.
[00:36:38] And I said, babe, Like, I. Yeah, I said, we can. And they could be uncomfortable. But I said, I haven't come to you in times where just like, my eyes have locked and my eyes have feasted on a woman in a way where Jesus says, if you've looked upon them with lustful intent, you've already committed adultery in your heart. I said, for example, babe, like, last weekend, we had just done our staff retreat, and we were downtown Indianapolis. And I said, you and I are standing next to each other on a street corner. I said, there's a girl across the street just wearing things that my eyes just wanted to feast on.
[00:37:16] And I said, I don't know how to talk to you about that, but I want to live in openness with you on that. And, like, I was drawn to lust at her, my wife. And I'm not saying, guys, I'm not saying, like, do this and this is what will happen. No, but the Lord taught me something in that moment. My wife, in that moment on the couch did not say, you vicious pig.
[00:37:41] She reached over, she grabbed my hand, and she said, thank you.
[00:37:48] I'm not saying, do this and that'll be the result for you.
[00:37:51] But what I am saying, God taught me in that moment, Confession in that moment did not lead to greater distance between my wife and I. It led to greater intimacy.
[00:38:03] The lie Satan wants us to believe.
[00:38:07] Confess. It'll break everything.
[00:38:09] Confession leads to distance. Confession leads to shame. The gospel proclaims, confession leads to freedom. Confession leads to greater intimacy, and confession leads to greater health. I'm not saying it'll all come instantaneous. You're gonna walk in and say, hey, honey, I gotta confess some things to you. There might be some hard conversations. There might be some tears and pain, but I'm telling you before the Lord, if we do the work and the power of the gospel in it will lead to blessing with me.
[00:38:43] Some of you are like, I don't know yet.
[00:38:48] It will.
[00:38:50] In order to live lives of greater self control, empowered by the spirit, we need to confront the lies. We need to confess your sin. You need to. We need to declare. Declare your need.
[00:38:59] Declare your need. What do I mean by that?
[00:39:02] It means what we've already said earlier.
[00:39:06] Men, let's just commit to something, right? Like, one of the things I'm most convicted of being here is like, lord, I am such a weakling in prayer. I am such a weakling in prayer. And the Lord's not like shaming me or guilting me with that. He's inviting me into something with prayer.
[00:39:24] When Pastor Brian told the story last night of his dad Crawford calling him in, and it's like, brian, there's not been a.
[00:39:30] I haven't prayed over your life. My oldest son's eight. I'm like, yep, can't say that, right?
[00:39:36] I am so convicted. And if, like, I'll just say it out loud, My brother in law's right here. He can hold me accountable to this.
[00:39:43] I long to. Not out of guilt, not out of shame. I want to start my days on my face in a greater way of dependence.
[00:39:51] Believing, actually believing. Jesus, apart from you, I really can do nothing today of eternal significance.
[00:40:00] Jesus, apart from you. There is no victory over sin today.
[00:40:04] Jesus, apart from you, I will look and lust upon a woman today that is not mine. Jesus, apart from you, I will not be able to live with self control. And even coming back to that song we sang, I need you. Oh, I need you every hour, like coming back to our face, Back to our face, back to our face. Jesus, I need you now. Jesus, I need you in this meeting.
[00:40:28] If you're not here in this conversation, I will not function with self control over my mouth.
[00:40:35] And so just a life. Declaring your need, declaring your need, declaring your need fuels a life of self control. Confront the lies, confess your sin, declare your need, Be with God, be with him.
[00:40:47] What do I mean by be with him? Be with him in his word, be with him in prayer.
[00:40:54] I mean everything Pastor Bill was preaching on this morning, like, going to the inner room with the Lord and being with him. Not as a means of check mark, not as a means, like, I've done my duty with the Lord, but actually to just want to be with him. You know those times you're in a meeting, you're with. You're with someone and you're like, oh, they're here right now because they have to be. You know what I'm talking about?
[00:41:14] You know the meeting.
[00:41:16] I remember, I'm off the cuff again. But it's good.
[00:41:19] I remember I was with a buddy a couple years ago at a conference, and he's like, hey, there's the pastor. I grew up in his church. Like, let's go talk to him. And so we walk up to him and he's like, hey man, my name's Nick. Like, I grew up in your church. And the pastor's like this. Yeah, hey, Nick.
[00:41:35] Oh yeah, that's awesome, man. Okay, yeah, good to see you. And we're like, wow, that was genuine.
[00:41:40] We feel loved, right? We all know the difference between people who like, have to be there and people who long to be. Let's be people who long to be with the Lord.
[00:41:48] Long to be with the Lord. Why? Because there's no greater place we'd rather be than just with him in his word in prayer. Be with God. Because it's through our time with God that we are instructed from his word. And let's go to this next one. It's through our time with God that we're fed the truth. And if we're going to live lives of self control, we need to be men willing to submit to the truth.
[00:42:09] The Lord is after not just hearers of his word only. Right? But what but doers we must bring ourselves. It's not complicated. I'm not saying it's easy, but it's not complicated. We must be with the Lord. We must see what his Word says.
[00:42:25] And then we must walk away from our time in the Word and say, okay, Lord, I submit. I submit my life under your word.
[00:42:33] I now live today. In light of what your Word has sent me. I bring my life under its authority. And by the power and help of your spirit. I want to now live in light of that.
[00:42:46] We need to be men willing to submit to the truth. And so we confront the lies. Confess your sin, Declare your need, be with God, Submit to truth. Set the guardrails right.
[00:42:57] Very practically, not legalistically, but very practically, you have to have guardrails in your life.
[00:43:06] And you know, if you're working through with your small group or with friends or with, you know, people who love you and, and someone's like, ah, don't be a legalist, listen, don't be a legalist, but don't be foolish either.
[00:43:21] We need to set guardrails as men.
[00:43:24] And you know, you've heard this again and again throughout the course of your life. Set the guardrails so far in the safe zone that as you come bumping up against them, you're still safe, so to speak.
[00:43:36] We need to set the guardrails. And once we've set guardrails in our lives, it's such an aid and a help for self control, powered again, motivated by. We want to be men pleasing to the Lord that we don't even find ourselves in danger zones that are going to prove consequential or costly in our walk. And then finally this.
[00:43:58] Commit to community.
[00:44:01] Commit to community.
[00:44:03] Men, I don't know about you, but I have found myself so spiritually vulnerable in times.
[00:44:11] I've been out kind of doing Lone Ranger Christianity.
[00:44:15] Commit to community.
[00:44:17] We need one another.
[00:44:20] Pastor Brian was preaching last night on just the need for friendship, the need for that band of brothers, so to speak. Do you have that? And I would encourage you, if you don't have that, don't lean on one weekend a year, Free indeed, to serve as that community.
[00:44:38] An event like Free indeed is a great catalyst, but community is what will root you all the year long. And so if you don't have that and you've come with some men, get with them, ask, like, how do we get ingrained into community between the big events, so to speak, if you're part of a church and you're not yet in a small group or, or some sort of smaller community that actually does life and ministry together, get in one. Because without community, we're just. We're just sitting. Sitting ducks. Proverbs 25:28.
[00:45:11] One last time, can we go to that slide? Proverbs 25:28. A man without self control is like a city broken into and left without walls. Men.
[00:45:22] We desire to be men by the help of the Holy Spirit, who live lives of self control so that our lives will glorify God and that our lives will be used by God to propel the gospel. Amen. And so, Father, I just ask right now for your help in that. Lord, everything we've talked about in these moments right here, Lord, we just recognize, even walking out of this room, apart from you, we can do nothing.
[00:45:49] Lord, we recognize just the.
[00:45:51] The reality of the devil, of the world, of the flesh that are fighting against us. But Lord, we just double down right now and we say, we long to be men pleasing in your sight.
[00:46:02] We long to be men who live in light of the gospel reality that you have delivered us from the domain of darkness and you have ushered us into the kingdom of light. Lord, we now want to live in light of that reality. And so, God, I'm asking for the men in this room, for all the men at this conference, for the Christian men, for our brothers all over this country, all over the globe. Lord, by the power of your holy Spirit, would you fill us with a life under control of your spirit so that we would live lives to your glory and to the advancement of the gospel. And all God's men said Amen. Amen. Thanks, man. Main session again, 2:15. We'll see you down there.
